#19: Shadow work and conscious relationship training with Stephanie Hunter

Stephanie Hunter is a shadow work facilitator and transformational mentor in Vancouver, BC, and online. She leads programs, including a weekly women’s group with Georgianna Lee of Rising Woman and semi-annual Conscious Relationship Training founded by Phil T. She is gifted with the ability to translate woo-woo into practical terms, for bringing humor into hard work, and for Radical Acceptance. Hence is ready to bless anyone in need of her gift by helping them. In today’s episode, we have an interesting conversation with Stephanie regarding the framework for conscious living and radical honesty. She walks us through the eleven most important habits/ characteristics that make up this whole framework of the conscious code.

We start the conversation with some of the things that interest and motivate Stephanie. Her top picks include not making assumptions, interconnectedness, and radical honesty. Stephany shares how these things are connected to her life. Some of us have not been able to admit to ourselves who we are and how we want to live our lives. Stephanie shares her thoughts on how we can go about uncovering who we are. Her preferred ways of uncovering truths about ourselves include meditation and shadow work. We talk about how we can practice these methods in our lives.

Something many of us find to be difficult in life is maintaining healthy boundaries. Whether it is with partners, family, friends, or colleagues, it can often get challenging. We talk about how we can establish and maintain healthy boundaries. Stephanie dives deep into how we can get to know our feelings, what feels good to us, and the questions we should ask ourselves to establish our boundaries.

Moving onto relationships, we talk about one-sided relationships and why some people feel connected to someone and take too long to notice that they’re in a one-sided relationship. We talk about key signs we can use to identify whether we’re in a one-sided relationship. Another type of relationship we touch on is codependent relationships, where we’re sometimes plugging into our partners and expecting them to meet our needs. Stephanie shares her thoughts on how this behavior can limit our freedom and independence as human beings and how we can build healthy relationships. Wrapping up the episode, Stephanie talks about finding our purpose. She shares with us how we can start finding our purpose by noticing what feels good and what feels bad and what we would naturally have energy for.

[00:30] Interesting and Motivating – Stephanie talks about a few things that motivate her and the reason behind why they are not only motivating but interesting too.

[4:00] Meditation and Shadow Work – Upon being asked about how one could uncover the truth they have been hiding from themselves, Stephanie suggests slowing down and getting involved in a compassionate self-inquiry process, among which Mediation and Shadow work remains her preferred methods.

[7:30] Be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable – Stephanie explains that when we break down the fears of having difficult conversations, we realize that our deep fear is that we’re going to die, and being comfortable starts with learning to trust yourself. It’s like learning to ride a bike. We have to learn to trust ourselves, build new muscles, and practice.

[11:00] Feeling Safe and Being Safe – As adults in personal growth work, we tend to be safe, and we tend to not feel safe, which is often a method our ego will employ to help us avoid feeling all these uncomfortable feelings, says Stephanie.

[15:28] Shadow Work – Stephanie explains that in Shadow Work/ Spiritual work, there is some sort of guiding principles and guidelines. So, in her groups, these are things such as radical honesty. As much as they’re able to agree to express themselves, they agree to be vulnerable, even when that’s uncomfortable. People in her groups agree to speak up and call each other on things even when it’s uncomfortable.

[22:25] Swinging the Pendulum – Like Stephanie highlights, if you find yourself in a pattern, just do the opposite, which translates to swinging the pendulum in the other direction. For instance, if your inclination is to get angry and yell at your partner, stand on one foot or go have a Twizzlers, or do something else at all to interrupt the pattern. The therapeutic element, the self-discovery element, that’s going to give you different options.

[34:25] First Step to Healthy Boundaries – The first step is, knowing your feelings, knowing what feels good, knowing what feels bad, and initial exploration of your relationships. Where do you feel like people honor you and your requests and your needs? Where does that just happen? Where do you have to ask for it? Where do you get pushback? It sounds really basic, but it is establishing trust with yourself. And it’s establishing that you know what your needs are and that you’re going to address them, explains Stephanie.

[42:55] Unacceptable vs. ‘I don’t Accept That’ – Upon being asked about this difference, Stephanie beautifully explains that the more we spend time and consternation in other people’s business, trying to change things to make ourselves feel good, the less we’re putting energy towards things that feel good.

[52:40] One-Sided Affair: Stephanie explains about one-sided affairs quoting that it’s just a matter of noticing what’s going on and accepting reality instead of trying to push your hopes and dreams on people. It’s like, going out on a sunny day and getting angry that it’s not raining, she says about one-sided expectations.

[55:55] Co-Dependent Relationship – This is where we’re plugging into our partners because they’re the battery that we need for juice. We go to them for everything, and we expect them to meet our needs. We expect them to fit into our story. However, Stephanie highlights that if you want to have freedom in life, co-dependence is not likely going to work unless you’re both really securely attached and somehow are co-independent at the same time.

[59:05] Conscious Relationship training – Upon asking if she recommends couples doing CRT together, Stephanie talks about why she wants people to know that both partners do not need to be doing inner work in order for your inner work to be effective and useful and to have a positive impact on your relationships.

[1:02:25] Open Vulnerability – In relation to a healthy way of defending oneself when confronted or challenged in a relationship, Stephanie suggests open vulnerability, which is when we’re referring to our own experience, and being open about that, that tends to connect more with the other person, you tend to solidify a relationship more by being vulnerable and open.

[1:26:40] Finding Purpose – The universe provides you some options. And then you can also seek them out yourself. Again, noticing what feels good and what feels bad and what you’d naturally have energy for is probably a good place to start there, says Stephanie.

Connect with Stephanie

Website: taoofself.com

Instagram: instagram.com/tao.of.selfConscious Relationship Training: crtrainings.com

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